Single parent guilty about dating

Posted by / 30-Aug-2020 20:09

If single parenthood is a rough road, we're told to put on a brave face and "get over it." You know -- fake it until we make it. If only I had a smarter lawyer, a more supportive family, had thought to insist on X or Y or Z in the visitation agreement. Maybe they are fortunate in their cooperative exes, financial resources, stable jobs, close-knit families to assist with the load. Women who find themselves mommy-tracked may struggle to regain their footing in the workforce.

And if we can't manage to do that (to everyone else's satisfaction), we're saddled with disparaging clichés about bad attitude and poor judgment. If only I had more patience, more energy, more to give to my children. The many adjustments to a change in marital status are usually no picnic. If you add worst case co-parenting scenarios, ongoing legal maneuvers, problems helping our children cope - we're living anything but a Happily Ever After Divorce. When it's excessive, not only is it pointless but it may deflect more complicated emotions that are brewing beneath the surface, and would do better to be examined in the light.

’ Yes, well, that’s because you were with your boy.” Dating for two is difficult; dating in a crowd is downright complicated.

The kids are engaged, at least on some level, even when you don’t think they are.

Of course it is, as long as you do it responsibly, and your children are not disrupted by your dating.

Some of us swim in guilt, and we do ourselves no favors. But in my book, those who put the pieces together in a year or two are doing well. It's something else entirely -- a rough road, even a grueling one. When it's working "as designed," I think of guilt as a feedback system, a sort of moral compass that guides us soundly, and lets us know when we need to adjust course.

When asked what she wishes her mom would do differently while dating, Rachel, a smart young graduate student, replied, “I wish she would recognize her own impulsivity and emotional rollercoaster.

She does and says things without recognizing that to some extent our whole family is dating this guy.

You may feel guilt because you can't give them everything you'd like.

(In my perspective, a very good thing.) You may feel guilt because of where you and the children are forced to live, what you feed them, where they go to school, the lack of money for summer camps and vacations. I sacrifice my feelings for my son." You may even feel guilt because you sometimes resent having children.

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